Expecting a Baby
I ended up with the exact same regrets because I didn’t know where to start.
First child – where to start:
Here is where I would start now:
- Becoming Mum Book and Podcast episode by Dr Koa Whittingham
- Parenting for beginners workshop and Podcast episode by Laura Alfred and Erla Marx-Newhouse
- The Discontented Little Baby Book by Dr Pamela Douglas
The biggest learning curve for me after having a child wasn’t the physical elements I had prepared for. Changing a nappy, bathing, dressing… I had Nurse and Google support for those things and within a few days I’d done them enough times to be fairly comfortable.
It was the psychological journey. The fact that I could no longer leave the house without tending to the needs (and preparing for potential future needs) of my new baby. It was the fact that sometimes I felt I didn’t know this needy creature who was taking up every moment of my life. I missed my freedom, my rock-climbing, and my friends who suddenly seemed so distant, and didn’t know when or whether I’d ever get those things back.
These resources will help you to think through life with a baby so that your expectations are more likely to match reality. You will also be better equipped to build a fulfilling new life with baby.
Want a child who sleeps well?
Part of that is luck, part is management, and part is expectations. Here is where I would start:
- Read The Discontented Little Baby Book by Dr Pamela Douglas.
- Read the blog post Sleep Solutions from Birth.
- Expect broken sleep. Babies need to feed at night. Most children wake about 3 times a night, some less, some more. Babies wake even more frequently. As they get older they get better at settling themselves back to sleep from more of those night wakings, but still expect to be woken at least occasionally for a couple of years. For details, check out Baby Sleep (or lack of). Research findings for normal 0-12 month olds, and Baby Sleep and Night Wakings.
I found trying for great sleep habits especially in the early months extremely stressful. So in those early months (definitely up to 3 months, possibly up to 6 or even 9 months), I recommend providing opportunities to self-settle, but never expecting or pushing it. A take home message from Dr Pamela Douglas’ book is that even if Baby is feeding, and getting 6 wet nappies a day, inefficient feeding can still be causing sleep disruptions. If you are getting woken more frequently than seems normal within the first 6 months, especially if Baby is taking ages to feed, fussing on the breast, needing feeds frequently during day and night, or crying a lot in the late afternoon, it is worth seeing a lactation consultant.
Sleep-training technique: Gradual withdrawal
Another sleep-training technique is gradual withdrawal (1), which is similar to the camp out method, but allows more interaction when Baby is distressed. Gradual withdrawal involves 3 steps: Distinguish needs (e.g. Nappy change), from wants (e.g. Comfort sucking)....
Teaching Emotion Management: Interpreting Emotions
"My baby cries when placed in her cot. How can I ever put her down calm, sleepy, but awake." (Said by many mothers, myself included). This is the first of a series on emotion management and sleep. Babies need to develop a range of skills to learn to fall asleep by...
Teaching emotion management: Helicopter parenting and sleep
How parents respond to emotional displays like tantrums, kicking, hitting, smashing, and yelling is important for building children's ability to control their emotions. Controlling emotions, and particularly the ability to calm down, is important for sleep. The first...
Feed your baby to sleep – The possums sleep intervention new recommendations
Don’t feed or rock your baby to sleep is common advice. A new take on the same theory suggests that this advice is flawed. As detailed here, the dominant theory is that feeding or rocking can become associated with sleep. The concern is that the parent is then...
Bedtime routine modeling
"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." Robert Fulghum (according to BrainyQuote.com) For an audio version of this post, and a video demonstration of modelling see...
Baby sleep and night wakings
The short answer is that it depends on your baby. For the long answer, here is some information from a systematic review...